OOC: Retconning and Pondering

[watch_is_me]

Right. So, me asking myself writing questions and answering them, in order to get a better handle on my character, why I'm writing him, and where I want him to go, so I can solidify ideas and head forward based on them. If you choose to follow my meanderings, input is most welcome. I find that conversation helps me get a handle on ideas, sometimes, in ways I never can on my own.



First, why the Doctor? Well, I like the potential of the character (all of Time and Space, yes, please!) It gives me room to write fantasy (well, with a SF jibber-jabber base), SF, *and* historical fiction. If I want him to go back to WWI or hang out behind the curtains and flirt by poem in Heian Japan or explain the disappearance of the Roanoake colony, I can. If I want him to wonder at the quadruple moonrises of a far-distant planet or the singing bats of Plevoth 3, I can. He can be anywhere and anywhen and be comfortable in anywhere/when. That's an amazing character trait. It's tantalizing and I can't help loving it. Also, his wonder. He never grows truly bored or tired. He's always clever and ingenious and never gives up or loses hope entirely. He's a rebel and a loner who loves people. He fans humans but he isn't human and never can or will be. He hates authority but considers himself the ultimate authority. He's charming and insufferable and incredibly contradictory. These traits make him difficult to write, but they also make him almost impossible not to *want* to write. I love the character. He's the joys and dangers of escapism and desire and freedom personified.

Second, why Who? I could write a character like the Doctor in an original environment, couldn't I? This is a harder question. One, writing in the fandom environment gives me automatic toys to play with, plot hooks to build on, and points to reference. It also gives me an automatic "in" to a community of fellow writers and people with knowledge of the universe and the character. It avoids some of the I'm a lone writer fiddling about in my own head syndrome. Also, the history of Who is interesting, in and of itself. Such a long, metamorphosing show. I'd like to follow it back and forward and be part of the odd phenomenon that it represents.

Third, why Ten? Another very good question, especially considering I liked Nine better, really. HOWEVER, Ten has the "brilliant" thing. He loves life and loves novelty and the universe and EVERYTHING. Of course, Nine had some of that, too, all of the Doctors do. But it's most clear in Ten. And I love that trait. That ability to look at anything and go "Look at this, it's beautiful, see how this plant's leaves grow just like *this,* or "Oh, that sabertooth tiger may be trying to eat us, but look at it *move,* isn't it gorgeous?" I think it was translated too often into manicness in canon, which is too bad. It's such a wonderful character note, a sign of his age and his experience and his ability to resist becoming jaded. It's inspiring, and I want to write a Doctor that has that. Also, I love his running and his energy.

Fourth--which brings us to, why AU? Because they didn't do right by Ten. Yes, that's a bit Mary-Suing the Doctor, you know, saying they didn't do what *I* wanted them to do, so I'll go do it myself. But. They didn't let him be the whole man he should be, I didn't feel. They played him too often for complete anger/loss-angst or humor, without giving shades to his character--not just light and darkness, but all the bits in between--bits they allowed Nine. I felt like Rose was a perfect foil for Nine, but a misstep with Ten--there was ambiguity in the Nine/Rose relationship, which seems to me to be how Doctor/companion relationships should run, and no ambiguity, really, in the Ten/Rose relationship. It was out-and-out perfect-for-each-other-two-peas-in-a-pod romance. And that just didn't seem like the right choice, for the show or character development, to me. It threw the whole show and character into Rose-focus (something which S4's ending--and the new Doctor coming up--will hopefully rectify).

So, the AUing is selfish. I would like to see what Nine could have become, in Ten, without the awkward-teen-Time-Lord romance. And without the extreme and crazy-plotted situations the canon often threw him into. How can a character develop when the wacky hijinks never give him room to? The AU lets me pick and choose the bits of canon potential that I felt were well-written and -engineered and work them into my universe and Doctor, while abandoning the missteps. Hopefully. YES SELFISH WRITER IS SELFISH.

Fifth, why have him travel alone up to and past the Game Station? Well, there's the Rose thing, as I mentioned above. She's lovely for Nine but counter-character-productive, I think, for Ten. I could have him meet and travel with other companions, but that's a complicated kettle of fish and I'd rather recalibrate the seasons in my head with the Doctor alone than try to work out what the dynamics would have been with a different companion involved. Also, it's the only way he gets to the Family of Blood alone, which is just an interesting idea. Talk about that later.

Sixth, why have him choose to destroy the Earth on the Game Station? I've been debating this one, and I keep trying to dissuade myself from it and can't. This strikes me as the *biggest* character turning point in New Who. It's when the Doctor makes a choice different from the one he made in the Time War and changes over, becomes a "new man," for himself and for Rose. He gives himself permission, in canon, to change. But what if he was alone? I think it's 50/50 which way his choice would have gone, then. He's always willing to sacrifice himself to save others, though he avoids ever making the choice to sacrifice others to save others (sacrifice few to save many). He gets himself out of situations where that kind of choice might have to be made (often with the help of companions). But--no companion, and no way out of the choice. What would he do? Gallifrey'd already been wiped out to get rid of the Daleks; if he let the Daleks live on the Game Station, that sacrifice would be meaningless. If he doesn't use the Delta Wave, the Earth is wiped out *regardless.* If he uses it, Earth's gone, but maybe some humans survive elsewhere and the Daleks are *gone.* The Time War's over. There's no right choice. So he takes one path, and it's not the one he took in canon, because there was no one there to pull him away from the choice. (Also, it frees humanity somewhat from its canon Doctor debt. He screws up. They have to save themselves from what he does to them, though he'll certainly try to help. I think that's freeing and equalizing for both Doctor and humanity.)

Seventh, why the same clothes on regeneration? They represent the Time War, and mourning. With no real change in situation coming with his regeneration, in AU!land, there's no reason to change his clothing. He's not been reborn, as he is in canon, for Rose and as the coward, not the killer--he's still the killer. So he keeps the clothing. For a while. See the very last sentences in Point Ten for my developing thoughts on this.

Eighth, why no companions post-Game-Station? He's a killer, right? And in mourning. He's not a happy man. He has Issues. So he does the Lone Wolf bit until the Family of Blood and the watch happen to him. This will change post-watch--see Point Ten for more.

Ninth, why the watch? I like it. It's confinement, which is so not-Doctor (and especially not-Ten) and it brings up issues of "What is the essential being of a Time Lord, anyway?" The glowy energy bit or the physical half? Does the body really *matter,* to a Time Lord? Also, it's another plot point where he *really* needs a companion with him for things to run smoothly—and, if/when he doesn't have one, things go all to hell. I think it's important to look at the situations he puts himself in and how poorly many of them would end, if he didn't have his "bit" players with him. Also the second, it leaves John Smith alive, which I think is much fairer to Smith. I felt like the poor fellow was screwed over majorly by the Doctor in canon. This gives Smith a chance to live and die and help humanity in ways the Doctor never could—and it gives the Doctor a chance to *realize* that humanity really *can* help itself, by reflecting on and watching Smith. It gives him an uncomfortable, very personal link to humanity and his past mistakes. The watch also gives the Doctor a further link in circumstance to the Master, which I could play on later.

Tenth, now what? Or, getting out of the watch. Well, I have a tendency to "darken" or "angstify" characters. Not, I don't really think, in an "OHNOES THEY ARE CRAZY MARY SUE EMO" way, but in a kind of...vindictive writer way. I have a habit of taking powerful characters and depowering them or putting them into situations that cut their confidence. For instance, I once played a Matrix Agent (yes, yes, I know), BUT I played him "downloaded" to and stuck in a human form (Smith pulls that off in the second film)—which meant the mind of an Agent but none of the powers, none of the authority, and none of the connection to the Source/Machines. It was fun, it was interesting, and I had a great time playing him off characters who were full AIs, but it was, in the end, limiting. I had left my character nothing--or very little. He was a broken man from the start, and he had very little hope of ever building a better life for himself. He was lost in despair and self-doubt, and he had begun to heal by the time I stopped playing him, but full healing would have taken much longer.

Now, why am I telling this story? Because my original AU background for the Doctor was me doing this to the Doctor, by making him guilty of the one thing he cannot abide—unreasoning, purposeless murder—by having him hijack and destroy a human life to get out of the watch. I thought, why not? Why not throw that doubt in, make him guilty, though perhaps not sensibly so (is one guilty of reflexive action?), of that One Big Thing, why not sweep his moral highground away entirely? It *sounds* like a good idea. It *sounds* like it could open up new landscapes of character depth and exploration.

But it takes away his wonder and his certainty and his confidence. It drags him down. In my AU, he's already lost the chance to be reborn through Rose--and to have another defeat follow so soon on the Time War and the Game Station leaves him far too close to cynicism and despair. It makes him someone not the Doctor I love and want to play. Maybe it's psychological, maybe it's realistic, but it's not the Doctor I was drawn to, originally.

So, now, I'm retconning and fighting my own writer-tendencies. I'm giving him a rebirth to move forward from, by having the TARDIS pull his essence out of the watch and rebuild his body for him, slowly, a process that takes a very long time and a great deal of care and, well, love, on the TARDIS' part. A gift he never expected. This makes him guilty of nothing, in his escape from the watch and confinement—except the guilt of forgetting that he never really *was* alone. It gives him the chance to accept the gift of love and a new life and the possibility to make new choices—what Rose gave him in canon—but from the TARDIS, here. And it doesn't come with the complications of a Sudden Romance. The TARDIS has always been with him, and they've always cared for each other. This is just a reminder and a deepening. It doesn't leave him with the hang-ups Rose and her loss left him with, in canon. And I think he'll be going over to the normal Ten outfit post-rebirth-by-TARDIS, which gives me more icon choices! Hoorah.

Eleventh, what about the drums? HM. With the new retconning, I think he'll still have...something. Sometimes the drums, and sometimes just this feeling of...phantom music. Like there's a tune or a rhythm there but he can't feel it, not quite. It's just a plot point that I like the potential of, and another link to the Master (I think the whole Master/Doctor link--not romantic link, but character link--is intriguing, and want to work with it at some point, can you tell?). In the new background, I figure it could come from a) his time in the watch and b) his time as part of the TARDIS, as she put him back together. A little intimate link to the Time Vortex or something of the sort. And perhaps, later, something to be woven into my take on the Cartmel Masterplan. [EDIT: No, I've got it! I think. The drums start when he regenerates into Ten, after wiping out Earth and the Daleks; they're ameliorated and turned into this "music of the spheres" phantom-sound post-TARDIS-recreation. YES, I THINK THAT MAKES SENSE.]

Twelfth, oh, you buy into that metaphysical Doctor-as-Other bit, do you? I think so! It's got a lot of interesting potential for making the Doctor part of a larger story, which involves humanity and the Time Lords and the time of Pythia and the Master and Utopia and time and space and etcetera etcetera. Mine'll be my own thing, of course--any fanon universe is, I think, it's all interpretation and picking out the bits and pieces you like, from contradicting craziness. But it's not something my Doctor'll ever be aware of. Ten won't ever walk up to someone and go, "Hey, guess what, I'm the Other, and I'm kind of a god. Beat that!" He does enough of that kind of egotistical stuff when he's convinced he's just a plain old ordinary Time Lord, thanks >_> It will play into my interpretation of the Master/Doctor relationship, I think. As well as other rebellious Time Lords. Because I think the Master's probably got something a little funky up with him, too.

Thirteenth, so you're changing stuff, what does that mean for the character relationships you've got established? Argh, I don't know. I think I haven't done too much that's based on the changed points that I can't finagle the relationships into continuing. This is really where I have to think about what I'm doing. tingle_of_life,jen_anomaly, not_from_mars, and stardustflying would be the ones most affected, I think, and I feel like I *think* something can be worked out for those. I WILL PONDER! He may start showing up in canon!Ten clothing, and being a bit more cheerful. Will have to figure all of this out. [I know! Black jacket him will be pre-reconstruction-by-TARDIS with-drums, and canon!coat him will be post-reconstruction with-music, that way I can play both versions and not have to do too much wiggling with character relationships. I mean, he could disappear for a while and come back happier, with much more time having passed for him than for whomever he's meeting, he's a time traveler, who knows how long he's been gone? A little handwaving would be necessary, but not too much. HM. EDIT THE SECOND: But I like the jacket and it just seems right, I can't see this Doctor in the canon!coat. Maybe he wears something different under it, post-reconstruction? Something more colorful? Go looking for long-sleeved men's shirts that might work. Something with a retro print? What if the jacket kind of symbolizes his involvement in the Time War and he only abandons it entirely when Gallifrey is restored?]

...I'm a geek, and like the fact that that came to thirteen points exactly. :\