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Chatplay being the Great Enabler, [livejournal.com profile] t_eyla and I mucked about more with the Moctor idea I came up with earlier, in which my Doctor discovers he's both the Doctor *and* the Master. This time, her canon!Ten ([livejournal.com profile] or_timelords) and my...whatever he is, poor man, he's probably very tired of me running theoreticals with him, confronted each other.

Teyla: I read your 'the Doctor is actually the Master' thing, and okay, I think I can see the awesome.

Teyla: xD

Jasper: XD

Jasper: lol

Jasper: What did we do to convince you? XD

Teyla: idk, lol. it's a kind of, "uh, this is wrong. But. wrong in a cool way." sort of awesome

Teyla: as long as it stays hypothetical >_> idk how my Doctor would deal with it if it turned out that your Doctor's a weird mesh-up of the Doctor and the Master

Teyla: which would be kind of interesting too though. he'd be all flaily and wouldn't know what to do.

Jasper: XD

Jasper: Well, we could always do theoretical mucking about to play with it.

Jasper: I don't plan to make it canon, would be too difficult to play.

Teyla: it would be. I don't mind hypothetical mucking about though. Lol, I just had a hypothetical chatplay with themasterspeaks in which the Doctor decided that the way to deal with his drums is to go back to when he ran away from Jack to the end of the universe and stop himself from running away. thereby stopping everything that happened after that from happening. the Master wasn't happy about that, and the Doctor kept insisting it was a good idea. because it would fix EVERYTHING, the Master included. and so the Master broke into his mind to hurt him and stop him from doing this, only he lost it a little, and he sort of completely trashed the Doctor's brain. and now the Doctor's brain damaged and comatose, and the TARDIS has locked the Master in and has told him he won't be let out before he hasn't fixed what he broke.

Teyla: I do plan to leave this hypothetical, though, because brain damage? hmm, maybe not.

Jasper: XD

Jasper: You just like hurting yours.

Teyla: I do >_> but the Master decided to trash his brain all by himself.

Teyla: the Doctor just wanted to FIX THE UNIVERSE

Teyla: by creating a major paradox that would probably eat the universe whole, but, you know. details.

Jasper: XD

Jasper: Oh, Doctor.

Teyla: anyway. mine ending up wanting to fix the universe the way the Master did, with a paradox, and yours ending up finding out that whoops, he actually IS the Master, at least kinda... that would be a fitting climax for the thread of doom and angst, y/y?

Jasper: XD

Jasper: It would be...something.

Jasper: They'd both be like "...what the hell, we make no sense."

Teyla: and then Spike would stop by with his TARDIS, all, oh hi thar thought I'd drop in and see how it's going... what do you mean you're the Master? o_O

Teyla: and who's that guy who looks like you with a less sensible dress sense?

Jasper: Mine: "IT'S ALL VERY COMPLICATED."

Jasper: Mine: "...Now I know why I like the black. "

Teyla: Spike: Black's the only way to go. Although the brown does kind of work, in a way. Kind of.

Teyla: Mine: I like the pinstripes.

Jasper: XD

Jasper: Mine: *approves of Spike more, defending his dress choices*

Teyla: Spike: *well, he would. after all, they dress pretty much the same, this Ten and him.*

Jasper: Mine: *they do, really*

Teyla: Mine: At least I don't look like I should actually be wearing white make-up with black tears drawn in the corners of my eyes.

Jasper: Mine: Wait, what, what exactly are you saying, there, Doctor?

Teyla: Mine: I am saying that your outfit is pretentious.

Jasper: Mine: *and, uh, now feels awkward, because he keeps calling his other "Doctor," which is fine, but it feels different now*

Jasper: Mine: It's *practical.*

Teyla: Mine: But then, it would be. The Master always liked to dress for the occasion, didn't he.

Teyla: Spike: *Whoa. Will keep out of that one.*

Jasper: Mine: ...

Teyla: Mine: *oops. that was maybe a little out of line. but how is he supposed to deal with this? he's used to putting the Master down, so how is he supposed to stop now just like that? This is *confusing*.* Hrm. Sorry.

Jasper: Mine: Fine. You never did know how to keep quiet, anyway. We don't. ...D'you have any idea how--how discombobulating this is? There aren't pronouns for this.

Jasper: Mine: It's your fault, it's always your fault.

Teyla: Mine: *What? Whose fault?* You might want to make up some pronouns. You're not making sense.

Jasper: Mine: It's *the Doctor's* fault. Yours.

Jasper: Mine: *has a perpetual headache, these days*

Teyla: Mine: What's my fault? *And here he was thinking he was the one with the self-blame issue.*

Jasper: Mine: This. *the bleed, the fact that the takeover didn't work the way it was supposed to* Your fault, the Doctor and his TARDIS, this ludicrous, obsolete... Damn him. Damn me. It was *straightforward.*

Jasper: Mine: *is totally contradicting himself by running his hands over the console controls with that "I <3 you, TARDIS" care*

Teyla: Mine: That's hardly MY fault. If anything, it's yours. Your, the Doctor's, fault. And it's not, because seriously, if you just go ahead and take over someone's body, you have to be prepared for some side effects. So it's really *your* fault. Yours, I mean. The Master's. *ack, he's a genius, but this is still giving him a major headache. it doesn't quite compute yet.*

Jasper: Mine: Well, that does simplify the pronouns. It's all *my* fault.

Teyla: Mine: *flaily handwave, that's not what he meant* It's not. Not yours. It's HIS. Yours. *damn. he's so used to blaming the Master. and now the Master is HE. What.*

Jasper: Mine: *he understands this feeling. Really, he does* Nothing quite like foiling your own plan. *runs his hands through his hair, because he still has the Doctor body language, most of it* This is impossible. *impossible, as in, the argh, I can't deal with this, sense, not the can't-actually-happen sense*

Teyla: Mine: Well, let's think about this logically. If it's anybody's fault, the blame would have to be laid at the moment it happened, when there were still two of you - Master, and Doctor. So back then, it would have been the Master's fault. But then the Master became you, and so the Master stopped existing, and so did- *Oh. And so did the Doctor. Uh. He's - dead? In this universe? Ah. No. That can't be right. His hands come to a halt somewhere in mid-gesture, then his shoulders slump.* Oh, I don't know.

Jasper: Mine: *is coming to that conclusion, too. He's dead. Both of him are dead. WTF, universe* The Doctor is dead, long live the Doctor.

Teyla: Mine: *He wishes his other wouldn't say that.*

Jasper: Mine: *well, he's not happy about it, either* Damn. Damndamndamndamn*damn.* Who am I? What the hell did they *do?*

Jasper: Mine: *is very glad he can swear now, it's *useful**

Teyla: Mine: *muses for a moment, then has a minor revelation. it might help. it's worth a try.* What's your name? *and he'd like to add a 'Doctor' to that question, but even that title isn't right anymore. so he just leaves it at that.*

Jasper: Mine: I don't know. *he's been thinking about this*

Jasper: Mine: *has a feeling he knows how his other's metacrisis felt ;_; *

Teyla: Mine: You have to find it, then. *Because he has to have one. A Time Lord without a name, that's - that's inconceivable.*

Jasper: Mine: I know. You think I don't know? *because he feels empty, your title, it's how you know who you are, it tells you how you relate to the universe, and he has two, now, which is as good as having none*

Teyla: Mine: Well, we'll have to find a way to make that happen. *and this is good, they have an objective now. they can work towards something. that's good, that's better than this feeling of utter confusion.*

Jasper: Mine: *jumps to his feet from the jump chair, where he's been sitting* I'm going out. *and he's...not, he's going towards the hallways, because he wants to go get some things from the armory, first*

Teyla: Mine: *whoa, what?* What? Where are you going? *He usually wouldn't stop his other, but this - walking off in the middle of them maybe being in the process of finding a solution for this? What?*

Jasper: Mine: *he's restless, and the drums really didn't get any better with this whole process* Out. About. Around. None of your business, *Doctor.*

Jasper: Mine: *and it didn't make him any less touchy, either 9_9*

Teyla: Mine: *Oh, come on, not this. He knows, of course, what the other Time Lord is up to. He usually lets him get on with it, because there's really no way of stopping him without starting an argument that he didn't think the other was ready to deal with. But right now, he can't let him go. It won't help, it didn't before, not really, and with the Master personality manifested in more than just his subconscious, no-one knows what the other might get up to if he starts killing.* No. No, *Doctor*. *Because this is still his other, still the Doctor, at least partly.* Don't go. Not right now.

Jasper: Mine: *he bristles when his other calls him "Doctor"* You don't have any authority here. I'll do as I wish. *and the speech patterns are taking getting used to, he keeps drifting between very different deliveries, and feeling equally at home with and thrown off by both*

Teyla: Mine: I'm not trying to assume any authority. I'm asking you not to go. Please.

Jasper: Mine: Begging? *and there's a bit of the Master smirk, there, and then he feels it and his expression shifts back to confusion and carefully-held-back fear*

Teyla: Mine: I would call it asking politely, but if you want to call it begging, go right ahead. I don't want you to leave, not before we've even tried to figure this out.

Jasper: Mine: You think you can help? ...Of course you do. *and he can't take this, having a conversation with someone he understands perfectly and doesn't understand at all, and he starts off down the hall, hands shoved into his pockets*

Teyla: Mine: *Oh for Rassilon's sake, he's had this with his own Master, back in his own universe, over and over again, and he really doesn't need this, another universe's Master giving him even bigger headaches because he decided to merge with a version of the Doctor himself. But he can't just walk away. He would like to, it would be so much easier, but he can't. So he follows.* Listen to me. Doctor, I'm talking to *you*. Do you remember being yourself? Do you remember how it felt standing by and watching someone you loved destroy themselves? Don't do this to yourself, *please*, and don't do it to him.

Jasper: Mine: Who do you think you're *talking* to? D'you think there are two of us in here, left-brain, right-brain, the Odd Couple, flatmates? There's just *me.* Two sets of memories, one man. It's a royal cock-up, but that's how it is. *he takes a deep breath, and puts out a hand, to the wall of the TARDIS, *his* TARDIS, as though for support* I do. Yeah, I do. But I remember how *he* felt, too.

Teyla: Mine: *yes, he knows there aren't two people in there. there's only one, but the one doesn't have a name yet, he can't talk to him, because he doesn't know who he is. and he can't talk to the Master, because the Master NEVER listened to him. so he's talking to the Doctor, because he figures it's his best chance.* How *did* he feel?

Jasper: Mine: *he shakes his head, dismissing the question--the Master never talked about his *feelings* and he won't, now. They make no difference*

Teyla: Mine: *They do, they make all the difference.* How am I supposed to talk to you as *you* and not as only a part of you if you won't let me see the other part?

Jasper: Mine: Which part? *and the facade cracks, further than it's ever cracked, as the Doctor-with-the-drums, and he just looks lost. Lost and terribly afraid. Because it's not that easy, it's *not,* they're all of a piece, he is, and with every moment that passes he's having a harder and harder time putting the memories, the feelings, the reactions, into neat categories--Doctor, Master. He's losing the division, and both sides of him are terrified*

Teyla: Mine: The part that is *you*. Not the Doctor, not the Master, not the drums or the TARDIS, but *you*. Who are *you*? *And he'll reach out to wrap his fingers around the other Time Lord's forearm, a careful touch, not too intrusive, because he's not sure if the man before him would want to be touched, but it's something to lend support.*

Jasper: Mine: *he pulls away, wraps his arms around himself, leaning back against the TARDIS wall* I *don't know.* *and he can't look at the Doctor, he looks away, down the hallway*

Teyla: Mine: *watching this is hurtful, so hurtful, because he can see how lost the other man is. he lost who he is, and the Doctor can only imagine what that would feel like, but even imagining it is painful enough. the Doctor has lost everything in his life, and so has the Master, aside from the knowledge of who they are. here, this has been taken away as well. the Doctor doesn't try to touch the other Time Lord again, although he wants to. but when he speaks, his tone is urgent.* Then you need to find out. On your own or with my help, that's up to you, but you need to find - you need to find yourself. Putting it off any longer will only hurt you more.

Jasper: Mine: What do you think I'm *trying* to do? I need to--*I need to go hurt something, to watch something that isn't me in pain, and know that I have the power to do that. I retain that. I am Mast--no. No*--I have to go. *and he pushes off from the wall and starts walking down the hall again*

Teyla: Mine: Go where?

Jasper: Mine: ...I. Have to go. Hurt something. I will *try* to make it something that the Doctor would not mourn. Unduly. It will scream and bleed and, eventually, die. I'll make sure of that. No messy half-life. No carrying on. *his posture says don't look at me, and the words are true, but they hurt to say*

Teyla: Mine: *And that, he doesn't know how to deal with that. he doesn't know how to deal with the Doctor not having been strong enough to change the Master even when the Master became a part of him. And he doesn't know if he can learn to deal with it. He doesn't know if he'll be strong enough to help. Maybe two Doctors will be enough to change the Master, but the Doctor is dead, and so is the Master, and all there is is him, and this new person who's not Master and not Doctor and is both of them at the same time. So he doesn't know what to say, but he knows he needs to say something, or he'll have lost without even trying.* Why? Why does the person who is you have to kill?

Jasper: Mine: Because it's satisfying. Because it's what we've always done. Because it's better stress relief than yoga, meditation, or even a really fantastic cup of tea and a good book. What answer do you *want?* *he does need help, and he knows that, but he's no more willing to accept it than the Master or, really, the Doctor has ever been*

Teyla: Mine: *This should be easier to deal with, because sarcastic lashing out, he knows that, he's dealt with it before, many times. It's not, though. Because this is not the Master, this is someone new, and he's starting his life already distrustful, already broken. The Doctor would have hoped that the Doctor-part would have had enough love left in him to at least give this new person a chance.* I want you to show me that what I believed to be true all my life isn't a lie. *It sounds terribly selfish. It probably is. But if this is what he himself believed to be true, it would have been what the Doctor-part of his other believed was true, so maybe it's not as selfish as it sounds. Also, it's the last argument he has left. If the other man blocks this one as well, the Doctor will have to let him go.*

Jasper: Mine: What? Which belief? There are so many *choices,* Doctor. That there's never a reason to kill? Or...*and there's the Master again, the smirk, the smugness*...that everyone can be redeemed? That there's always *hope?* Even for him. Is that it? *and he's stopped walking, turning to look back at the proper Doctor*

Teyla: Mine: Yes. *And look, here's a chance to break the Doctor, to deliver that final blow. It's a self-sacrifice all over again, the Doctor offering up his innermost self to the other to either give it back, or to break it. It's up to the other one now.*

Jasper: Mine: *and he can see that, and part of him, the drums, the Master, feels the rush of power, of having the undisputed advantage, to break and use and discard. Yes. But the eyes he looks through are the Doctor's, the body and the brain with its complicated link to the old Type-40. Half of his memories are the Doctor's, and he knows that the Doctor has always wanted this. The chance to help this one person who always refused help. He has the power to deny that, and the power to gift it. He's spent two lifetimes denying it and having it denied him. He could change that. He could prove that he really is a new person*

Jasper: Mine: *he closes the distance between them, puts a hand on the side of the Doctor's face, looks into his eyes--the brown eyes that they share, now. He smiles, humor and sadness both in the quirk of his mouth* My dear Doctor. I'm not him. I told you that, even before I knew.

Teyla: Mine: *The relief he feels when the other Time Lord doesn't turn away, but walks towards him, takes his breath away for a moment. The hand on his face is warm, alive, and the smile is a *smile*, not a smirk or a sneer. He answers it with a small smile that's somewhat unsteady around the edges, because there's wetness in his eyes - not spilling over, and it won't, but it's blurring his vision a little, making his image of the other man seem out of focus. He reaches out to take the other Time Lord's hand, the one that's not touching him, and squeezes lightly.* Good. That's good.

Jasper: Mine: *his own reaction is so complicated he can't sort it out. The Doctor's vulnerability, so obvious--and it always has been--triggers fondness, disgust, anger, understanding, the desire to hurt, to push the vulnerability over into pain, and the desire to heal, to help. And it's up to him to choose. *He* has to choose, whoever he is now. From everything that the Doctor and the Master were, *he* has to choose. There's so much, too much, and there's the Master's need there, too, need for the Doctor, his love. Because it was love, it always was. He rests his own head against the side of the Doctor's, closes his eyes, speaks into his hair. Oh, Doctor* Yeah. Yeah, it really is.

Teyla: Mine: *It's hard not to let go, to let his emotions take over him, because no, the other one is not the Master. The Master died, and the Doctor died, too, to give them both another chance, to let them both start again. And the new start might be a good start, it could be a good start now, and that's so good. So good. But he doesn't let himself go, not now, not here. Because there would be relief, but there would also be pain, the pain of almost a millennium of hate and hurt, and it's not what he wants to give this new Time Lord who might achieve what he himself and the Master never managed to. So he only wraps his arms around the other man, tightly, and closes his eyes. And even the drums sound good now, they sound right, like a part of the other. It's what he is, and it's what he should be.*

Jasper: Mine: *they are right. They're him, they've always been with him, and he wouldn't let the Doctor take them away from him now, his call. To war, to action, whatever it is, it's *his,* and he still has the Master's fierce possessiveness in him. The Doctor's arms around him surprise him, though he knows they shouldn't, and he has a moment of not knowing what to do with himself, because part of him feels the Doctor against him and wants to reciprocate, to push the advantage, to *take* the other Time Lord, to back him up against the wall and snog him, force him to admit his own need. But he controls himself, makes it into a hug only, though one of his hands strays up to the base of the Doctor's neck, almost to the sensitive nerve endings there. His Doctor is dead, and his Master, and he's not sure if he should mourn, or how*

Teyla: Mine: *The other Time Lord is close, so close, and he can feel the urge in his mind, to take and to possess. And there's the age-old reflex of him wanting the other to take and possess, but he doesn't act on it, just like the other doesn't act on his urge. This is not the Master, this isn't even Koschei, and he is not Theta. He can feel the other's hand on his back, moving upwards, and if the other wants, he would be ready to go there, but not as the Master's Doctor. He'd be himself, without 900 years of history weighing on him. He doesn't loosen the embrace, needing the other one close for a little bit longer, and when he feels the question, he knows that the answer is no, the Doctor and the Master should not be mourned. Not when they died to create something new, something good.*

Jasper: Mine: *The forgiveness of the Master's actions in infiltrating the Doctor's body--he feels that , the openness of that, in the Doctor's affirmation of what he is now, and that and the affirmation itself tug at the drums. In both of his pasts, he was not a man as forgiving as this Doctor, and to be *forgiven* is anathema to him, now. He is not a man who needs the approval of anyone else to exist. Good or not, he is real, he *is* and he does not need the Doctor to tell him that or to forgive him a past that part of him followed voluntarily*

Jasper: Mine: *he breaks the hug off, abrupt, stiff, suddenly cool and formal* You'll be staying? *silly question, the Doctor always stays to help*

Teyla: Mine: *He didn't mean that. He wasn't forgiving anything. There's nothing to forgive, because this man hasn't lived yet. What he meant with 'something new, something good' was that they created life when they died, and this other man just proved to him that life is always something good. But he won't explain that, it's something the other will hopefully figure out by himself at some point. At the other's question, he hesitates. He doesn't know if he should be staying. On the one hand, this new person might need help in finding who he is. On the other, maybe the Doctor isn't the right person to help him do that. He doesn't want to give in to the temptation of making this other man into himself. He steps back, straightening his suit jacket.* Only if you want me to.

Jasper: Mine: I--*I want you to stay. I need you. I hate you. I love you. I remember being you. I can help you* You should go. *and it hurts him immensely to say that, but he'll be one or the other, if he stays with the Doctor. He'll be the Doctor or the Master, and...he's lived that lie since the War, not knowing, for long enough. He can't, not any longer*

Teyla: Mine: *It hurts, a lot more than he thought it would. Because the Doctor needs him, too, but that's not true; he needs the Master, and this man isn't the Master. Isn't the Doctor. He's so fragile right now, and the Doctor would break him if he stayed, whether he wants to or not. So he'll have to let him go, for his own sake, so he can find himself. Maybe when he's older, they can meet again and be a part of each other's lives. Right now, that's not possible.* Yes. Yes I should. *But he can't, not like this, it can't be so final, so definitive.* If you ever need me, though, contact me. You know how to message the psychic paper; I'll come. I promise.

Jasper: Mine: *he nods, awkward, caught in that place between, where he's someone new. How will he be able to do this, without a Doctor, without a Master, just him, in the universe? Just him, missing and needing the two men he *was.* Paradox* I know you will. You're reliable, Doctor. The instant someone's in danger, there you are. You'll know if I want you. *if I need you*

Teyla: Mine: *Thing is, he won't know. Not unless the other tells him, and he's worried, because if the other needs him, it might be in a situation where he's not capable of telling him. But he can't change that. He'll just have to trust the other, trust him to know what to do, trust him not to do the same thing the Doctor and the Master have both always done: refuse to ask for help. He nods.* I'll know. *And he should leave now, turn around and go, but he can't.* Good luck. And - *He licks his lips, this is a lot to ask, but maybe he can ask this. Maybe he has the right.* When you've found your name, let me know? Please?

Jasper: Mine: *he can see the Doctor's reluctance to go, and understands it, but it irks him. He'll be *fine,* he's been fine, he was always *fine,* in two lives and in the years he's been one man. Always fine. Running and destroying. He'll be fine again* I'll send you my card. *he can't do this, not stand here with the Doctor and take no action, he should *hurt* him. He should be in his mind, touching him, breaking him, making him his *his.* ...Except he already has. Like two snakes eating each other's tails, the Doctor and the Master have consumed each other, possessing and possessed. The man they've left behind can no longer use another to fill the holes in himself* Go. Now. *and it takes an effort to say this, but the Doctor part of him knows the Doctor needs the words softened* Please.

Teyla: Mine: *Yes. No overstaying his welcome. He's gone that times enough, and it never turned out well. There's nothing he can do here, nothing *more*, there's still so much to be done, but it's not up to him to do it. Which hurts, but then, goodbyes always do. He gives the other a last nod, and then turns around and leaves, quickly, not looking back. He hopes he will see the other again. He might. Or he might not.*
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